love is an ocean

I am in motion
I am blue
Love is an ocean
I'm anchored in you

And I am a dreamer
So you sent me away
Sometimes we dreamers
We just get in the way

But I've always known
Since I was a child
That the road is my home
And my spirit is wild

And I have my memories

And I've got lots of time

But I'm stoned in San Francisco

With you on my mind

I am in motion

I am blue

Love is an ocean

I'm anchored in you

a quickie. and road food.

Yes, it has been about a week since I posted here, but I have been pretty nondescript; been hanging out at home in NJ, sleeping in and going to bed early, driving around North Jersey, visiting family and seeing a friend or two. Nothing to blog home about.

Now I am in Tennessee again. Patrick and I have tickets to see Neil Young tonight at the Knoxville Civic Auditorium. We've spent the last two nights camping in Maryville. It was weird to camp in a normal campground as opposed to a national park/forest like we have before - there were, like, people there. And RVs. And right across the lake were houses. Like, that people live in. Weird.

We've been talking a lot about future plans, whether we will end up traveling together after all, where we will be in the next few weeks - but, since nothing is solid as of now, I'm not going to go musing on about it. Once we figure things out I will update you all considerably.

On a final note, my new favorite road food is Subway. This may sound weird coming from a girl from New Jersey, where real submarine sandwiches are king. But I've found, in my travels from NM to TN to NJ and back to TN, that Subways are just as plentiful as McDonalds on the interstates, and honestly, when you're hungry, they aren't half bad. The downsides are that there's no drive-thru and you have to actually go inside to order it, and they aren't easy to eat while driving (unlike, say, a double quarter-pounder), so it makes you lose time automatically. But the upside? They have real live vegetables on them, they don't make you feel totally disgusting, and for less money, you can feel considerably less gross and eat just as much as you would at some fast-food place.

Don't get me wrong. I will always, always choose my hometown Chatham Sandwich Shop over freakin' Subway any day. But when I'm rolling down 40 or 81 or 78 or any other road that you can refer to simply by spitting out two digits, I'm all about the tuna salad sub on Italian herbs and cheese bread with lettuce, onions, tomatoes, green peppers, cucumbers, and mayhaps some light mayo if I'm feeling frisky.

one day at a time

I've gotten over my little temper tantrum from the other night. Daytimes are always easier to contemplate what comes next.

My time at home so far has been pretty lazy - the most I have accomplished are two dog walks and driving my mom to the train station yesterday. Talk about productive.

The reason I had to take my mom to the train station is because she is a tutor for students who are in Broadway and off-Broadway plays, and she was headed into the city for a tutoring session. Today my mom and I are headed into New York to see The Burnt Part Boys, for which she's tutored two young actors. The show is a musical about coal mining, and seeing how music and coal mining are two of my favorite things in the world, I'm pretty excited for this.

So that's this evening. Tomorrow I will probably spend some time cleaning out my car (there's a LOT of dog food on the floor; it took me a few days to realize that Blake doesn't like to eat in the car, but, if offered food, he will take some in his mouth and drop it on the floor), which is extremely exciting, and then tomorrow evening Emilie, one of my best friends, will be in town for a few days, visiting from Montana. So that is likely to take up much of my weekend. Monday I'll head up to Bergen County, near the New York state border, to see family.

And then, come Wednesday, I'm headed back down to Knoxville. It's less than 700 miles from here to Knoxville, which is much less than I thought - so I will be able to leave here Wednesday morning and get there by Wednesday evening. Then Thursday evening, Patrick and I have tickets to see Neil Young. After that, I'm not sure when I'll leave Knoxville. My parents will be in Pittsburgh, visiting my brother, for Memorial Day weekend, so I may leave Knoxville and drive the 400-ish miles up to Pittsburgh through West Virginia and meet up with them there. Not positive, though.

I'm just taking all this one day at a time. If I think too much, I get nervous about what's next. So right now I'm just focusing on going to get dog food this afternoon and then heading into New York this evening. I'm not thinking about next week. I'm not thinking about getting to Knoxville. More importantly, I'm not thinking about leaving Knoxville again. And I'm really not thinking about the trillions of little trips I'll be taking around the Northeast to see all my friends; upstate New York, Philadelphia, Connecticut, Boston, perhaps Maine. If I think about all those I might explode.

And I'm really not thinking about how to afford all this. When I learned my trip was derailed, I did what I usually do: Spent money to make myself feel better. As a result, due to both necessary errands and unnecessary expenditures, I blew through my whole last paycheck (which included payment for unused vacation time) and then some. So I'm left without a dime at this particular moment - hence the other day's job applications.

The whole no-money thing really is my fault. I could have done it smartly, but I didn't. I've always been bad with money, and I was proud for a few months in there that I wasn't sucking as hard as I used to... Oh well. Back to the drawing board.

But for now, I need to shower and get dressed. Unfortunately, unlike Madrid, New Mexico and fly fishing camps in Tennessee, people in New Jersey expect you to be at least a little bit clean (if not impeccable) when you go into public.

quote of the day

"A good traveler has no fixed plan and is not intent on arriving." - Lao Tzu

call the waaambulance, i have a waaamburger and some french cries.

"Reality" TV shows about New Jersey are all the rage right now. Of course there is the phenomenon of Jersey Shore, there's Cake Boss about some mafioso-esque bakers, and today (while indulging in some joyfully mindless America's Next Top Model reruns) I kept seeing commercials for Jersey Couture, which looks simply terrible.

Of course, anyone who knows anything about New Jersey knows that the only real "reality" show about NJ is not reality at all, but is in fact The Sopranos. But I digress.

For real, though, I am a bit notorious in Santa Fe for being New Jersey's most rabid fan. I love this state. I loved growing up in this state. I still call New Jersey "home." It's the best state in the union. America's best-kept secret. All those things.

So why is it so hard to be here?

I'm not talking the whole "oh gosh gee I actually got more used to Santa Fe than I thought!" or anything like that. (Though, the first night that I arrived home, I was following my dad to a diner and went to land a high-speed merge that I grew up with... and nearly got run off an overpass, slammed my car into the curb and ended up stopped dead in traffic for a minute or so. NJ driving fail... I bet they were all glaring at my New Mexico plates while they edged their Beemers around me.) This is a different kind of hard.

A while ago, I accepted that nothing happens by accident and that there is a reason for everything that has gone "wrong" in my life. When Patrick had to go back to Tennessee and call off our road trip, I was upset, sure - but I knew that there was a reason it was happening. I knew it would show itself in time.

I resolved to come home here to New Jersey for a while in order to relax, be unemployed, do some writing, relax, sleep, relax and relax. I was looking forward to it.

So why is it that I applied for four jobs tonight?

We are each the architect of our own destiny, but I can't seem to get my buildings to look like the blueprints. I wanted to live in the moment and be introspective, but all I can do is think about the future and the outward influences that will shape my next move. I wanted to take it easy, but I'm getting swept back into the current of being the stressball that I have been for the last forever-many-years. I have spent 10 years trying to lose weight and resolved to do so this summer (my excuse was always, "I'm too tired after work to go to the gym!"... well, what about when I don't have work?), but my grand kick-off has been foiled by a broken toe and, if the last decade is any indication, this time around may not go so well. It's hard to stay positive when you've been dealing with it for almost half your life.

So here I am. I'm not hungry, but I want to eat. I don't want to work, but I am applying for jobs. I want to take time to figure out what I am doing next, but I already have my heart set on moving to Knoxville. I want to travel a bit more and see a few more friends this summer, but I don't want to even begin to think about where the money to do so would come from. I just want to go to sleep, but I'm writing a stupid blog entry.

Maybe that's an indication that I should shut the hell up and go to bed.

It rained all day today - rain like I haven't seen in years. I missed rain. I missed water. I should go see the ocean. I should let the faucet run and not worry about it.

Pictures 11: Youth rodeo in Harmony, North Carolina

After a wrong turn off of I-40, I stumbled upon a youth rodeo in a small town in North Carolina. I got a ton of amazing pictures, which is a damn good thing, because I ended up paying $102 to see this rodeo; a $6 admission fee and $96 to replace the flat tire I got in the parking lot.

Click any image to see it bigger in Photobucket.


This kid was cool.


Listening to the preacher beforehand... Don't they look enthralled by the word of the Lord?


Warming up the horses... it was DUSTY.


18 more pictures below the jump...

Pictures 10: Abandoned house on the Blue Ridge Parkway

I have always had a thing for abandoned houses. A few years ago my friend Jessica and I drove cross-country from NM to NJ and went to some amazing houses in Colorado and Kansas; ever since then I have had the bug. I go into every house I can find. As I said in the North Carolina entry, I may someday pay for my adventures, but it will be worth it.

This house was just north of Groundhog Mountain. Judging by a calendar on the wall I judge it's been empty for about 29 years.

Click any image to see it bigger on Photobucket.


I first went to poke around this old barn, when I heard a clunking noise from inside. I called out to see if anyone was there, and...


...Someone was!


9 more images after the jump...